If you haven’t come across the term “masking” before, let me explain. “Masking” is how neurodivergent people attempt to fit in and appear “socially acceptable”, or avoid negative reactions. This could mean suppressing movements, copying body language, forcing eye contact, or following a typical scripted conversation.

A good example of this is when you pass by someone you know in the street. Depending on where you’re from, the script will follow as something like this:

“Hi, how are you?”
“Yeah, good thanks, yourself?”

Many of us have already worked out that this scenario is nothing more than a polite greeting, rather than a genuine request for information. But you never know. Do they actually want to know how I am? What should I tell them? That actually I’m not fine because my leggings keep rolling down and are infuriating me? Better not. They’ll only think I’m weird. Safer to stick to the script, or mention something about the weather. Yes, it’s cold! I’m uncomfortable because I’m cold.

“Bit chilly”

Apt really. Because this deluge of daily decisions I face around what to say and what to do all the time runs me cold. It’s exhausting, and from time to time, something’s got to give.

When I get stressed, I forget to stop playing with my belly button. I only notice when it starts looking red raw. When I’m tired, the thought of painting on a brave face and pretending to be like everyone else is just too much to bear. When I let my guard down, I’ll come straight out with what I really want to say. Taken aback, people think I have no filter. Ironic really, because my filter game is normally exceedingly strong. Just not strong enough to be activated all the live long day.

But then, there are also times when I take off the mask and allow myself to just be. When I’m with likeminded people, friends who understand me, or environments where I feel safe. This true self is my best self. I’m vibrant, witty and thoughtful. When I peel off all the layers that are gently weighing down on my creativity, my authentic self shines through.

Unmasking in the workplace

This is beneficial in the workplace too. When I can be open about my neurodivergence, I can be open about all the little things I notice. I put forward new ideas and solutions to problems people didn’t even know existed, without fear of feeling like an imposter. Colleagues appreciate my honesty, openness and attention to detail.

This openness means I can also tell them about all the things that are troubling me. I feel safe telling them that the flickering light is affecting my concentration, without being judged or scared that I sound overly dramatic. That I can barely hear myself think above the muffled laughter coming from the room next door. Or that during meetings I struggle to keep up with the conversation because my inner voice won’t stop shouting “Look them in the eye, look them in the eye!” All of these issues are easy to fix, for big productivity results.

The cost of not allowing people to unmask at home and in the workplace is huge. The cognitive charge comes out eventually, often in the form of exhaustion, a meltdown, or neurodivergent burnout, which is almost impossible to recover from.

So here’s my advice: find out what makes the mask slip. Not by running people into the ground, but by allowing them to run free. When you allow people to be themselves, that’s when the true magic can happen.

Create space for people to unmask at work.
If you want to build a workplace where honesty, safety and neuroinclusion aren’t punished, let’s talk.

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